Names for new Heresies

A free tip for heresy hunters
from An und für sich by Adam Kotsko
Many conservative Christians are eager to point out heresies, but they are at a severe disadvantage compared to previous generations. Simply put, modern heresies don’t have the same imposing names as the old ones. Indeed, often they don’t have names at all — other than “women getting all uppity and using feminine terms for God.” The gap between that and “Nestorianism” or “monothelitism” is palpable.

Fortunately, I’m here to help. I’ve coined one term and independently discovered another to help provide my conservative brethren with the high-grade vocabulary arsenal they need:

  • Hermaphrotheism: using both masculine and feminine imagery to refer to God
  • Gynotheism: using feminine imagery to refer to God
  • Does anyone have some good names that Jewish conservatives can use to name alleged Jewish heresies? (TBD prize for the winner) In fact, what are the Jewish heresies? Not supporting AIPAC? Not accepting 1980’s Holocaust theology? Referring to God in any way other than as a placeholder?

    Update: This post is receiving more hits than almost any other post but I have not received a corresponding number of named heresies.

    11 responses to “Names for new Heresies

    1. The following views are considered heretical:

      Judaism lacks an essence. There are just books and more books. Denominations creates a false depth.

      Judaism lacks a religious or cultural center. Renewal can just as well come from anywhere and seep into Israel.

      The Jews are a collection of unfriendly tribes at best, not a people or a nation.

      Torah is open ended, with multiple underground tunnels burrowing to and from the outside world.

      Holding on to God, Israel and the Torah is like holding onto air. Nothing will be ultimately left standing, only the endless desert, where it all started.

      These heresies are a new shift towards a more radical anti- idolatry type monotheism, Wahabi style. Let’s call this heresy The New Apocalyptic Judaism.

      You heard it here first. (You asked.LOL)

      In this regard I want to recommend Reza Negastrani’s “Cyclonopedia.” She is now.

      http://www.cold-me.net/

      • Judaism lacks an essence. There are just books and more books

        Can we give this one a specific name, limited to that aspect?

        Or this one? The Jews are a collection of unfriendly tribes at best, not a people or a nation.

    2. They all are anti essentialist views, an idea at one time attached to nominalism and Duns Scotus and now associated with the mainstream of analytic philosophy. In European philosophy the free play of Derrida is sort of an analogue. I feel the theses are connected and form a larger whole, but you ask for a catchy name for just two.

      I would suggest The Spectral Heresy denoting the view that things that were traditionally considered real are mere specters or virtual objects.

    3. Note that the examples given of new heresies (Hermaphrotheism) are in fact traditional Jewish doctrines.

      So too, a-essentialism-ism is the real deal. Essentialism is the heresy.

    4. The Aipacrypha heresy: Those who adhere to a secret commentary (“Myths & Facts”) which explains the Exodus as resulting from effective lobbying on the part of Moses.

    5. > Or this one? The Jews are a collection of unfriendly tribes at best, not a people or a nation.

      Duodecimalists.

    6. Aneoconic Heresy

      The belief that Dick Cheney is not Moshiach ben Yosef.

    7. Sassanian Simchaniks: Those who oppose bombing Iran.

      • Yuck. Not enough.
        We have so many diverse new heresies created by Tradition, Jewish Action, First Things, Commentary. Yated Neeman, and everywhere we turn. Cant we get some good names?

    8. Suggestions for renaming your blog…

      Brilliantist as in I want to be a Brilliantist

      Brillionare = someone who is pretty amazing

      Brill’s Law = It’s impossible to distinguish between a fanatic and an heretic because no matter how stupid the fanatic’s posts, we’ve all seen something equally as stupid from a kofer.

      Brillig= a combination of brilliant and bilig as in This blog is brilliant and I give it away

      Brillianter = The highest degree of brilliant and intelligent.

      I try. I write. I fail.

    9. I see you read the Urban Dictionary:

      Brillig’s Law
      It’s impossible to distinguish between a troll and a real neocon wingnut because no matter how stupid the troll’s posts, we’ve all seen something equally as stupid from an actual neoconservative.
      http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Brillig%27s%20Law

      Brilliantist
      A name for a job that doesn’t exist. First used by professional Brilliantist Joseph Hilton Bunn(1989)
      http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Brilliantist

      I am glad you skipped the lewd options.

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